I was going to do this right. Write up a week's or a month's worth of posts, all carefully structured to communicate a single theme or topic, before firing up this blog. This first post would be dryly witty, a touch self-deprecating, and contain a medical definition of endometriosis ("the disease spellcheck doesn't recognize!") and some background on me. Ambee. Oh and also an explanation of the title.
That is, after all, the way the books and eHow sites tell you to do it. Pick a target audience. Refine your message. What does your target audience need to know and want to hear? What do you want to tell them?
Then today I wound up, once again, soaking in a hot bath despite the record temperatures this summer, popping Buscopan and cancelling important plans. I thought: I am so tired of my body being a battleground. I hate that it's my own self against me. My little endomees grow so crazily. So many of my finite resources go to trying to keep my own insides in check.
Maybe that's why I don't want to think about a target audience while I'm fighting my personal battle against endo. I'm sick of being in a war. A wee civil war, just one soldier, and a covert war at that. All the words surrounding endo are ones you generally don't use in public. I've developed polite code. My back hurts (I'm constipated). My tummy hurts (I have cramps). I don't feel well today (I'll be on the toilet for the next hour). Even the medical terminology surrounding endo--uterus, ovaries, menstruation, bowels, adhesions--is taboo. One can speak frankly about a broken leg or influenza, but try bringing up how your uterine lining grows on your bowels and makes it hard to poop. Watch everyone try to keep a straight face. It's easier to wage a secret, silent war on your own.
It's not fatal, but it's wearing.
I doubt that the standard advice applies to a confessional blog, so you're doing fine.
ReplyDeleteYes, well, I'm a perfectionist and a writer. I get anxiety when I'm not organized. :p
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